Ah love. Is it a deep spiritual bond? Or a neurochemical infatuation to secure long-term attachment in spite of glaring flaws like snoring and whimsical financial habits? Regardless, love is an enduring ingredient of the human condition, and Valentine’s Day is steadily approaching. And so that no (hu)man should be caught off guard by the Hallmarkiest of holidays, here is a trio of unconventional Valentine’s Day ideas. Weird love is the best love. That must be an old saying, right?
Let it all out in a rage room
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship – the key is how couples handle it. This Valentine’s Day, instead of taking a baseball bat to an irksome partner, take a trip to the nearest “rage room.” This is a relatively new business model that invites patrons to walk in and smash the living daylights out of assorted breakables, including glass dishware, ceramic vases and those awful knick-knacks molded in the likeness of cutesy children.
Provided will be such essentials as construction helmets, giant overalls, safety goggles, gloves and a wicked collection of tools for the expression of aggression. Sledgehammers, bats and crowbars will probably make an appearance. Patrons get a set amount of time to undergo couples therapy in the form of shattering all provided objects as they see fit. Couples can even bring their own offending targets to the rage room for imminent destruction. Breaking hearts is not half so gratifying as repaying an old printer for years of abuse—Office Space style.
Absorb ink together
Love is pain! At least, it is when couples book their local tattoo artist for some sweet matching Valentine’s ink. Some folks schedule this kind of thing up to half a year in advance, so get in early if a loving session of inky micro-stabbing sounds at all romantic. Pain releases endorphins, and who doesn’t love that?
Most artists will advise against getting each other’s names tattooed for obvious reasons, but encouraged are matching or complementary images loaded with meaning. The centerpiece of the experience is really the act of getting the tattoo together, so just avoid getting into a fight about dirty dishes before walking in. Or any discussion about whose butt looks big in a certain pair of jeans.
The game of treachery and attractive nobility
For those who adore a little competition, Love Letter is the perfect complement to a casual Valentine’s cafe visit. This is a card game accommodating two-to-four players (suitors) where the goal is to deliver one’s love letter to the desirable princess. If suitors can’t deliver the letter directly to the princess, they will need to leave it in the care of a character close to her.
Players take turns playing cards to inconvenience and frustrate the efforts of the other suitor while keeping princess-proximal characters in their own hand as long as possible. Sabotaging the other guy seems like an underhanded way of securing matrimony, but apparently, this princess’ dad is absolutely loaded. Otherwise, honorable players will need to channel their inner gold digger.
By Drew Mortier.